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Gotcha

She wakes at 1:30am and writhes, clutching her abdomen. I think, “Yeah! I did it again!” Gotcha!!

Her good morning cuddle with her hubby was going very well until I interrupted her, causing that cool sound she makes when I visit, and bonus! She’s gritting her teeth again. Yeah! Another score! Gotcha!

She’s feeling positive today… what can I do to change that? Oh wait, I know, I’ll derail her optimism with my special gift. Oh goodie, she’s crying…. Gotcha!!

She’s been trying for hours to find a comfortable position and relax. Nope, that’s not gonna happen! Gotcha!

Her stress level is so high her shoulders are up around her ears. Yeah!!! I’m so good at this!

She has so many things to do – all in an attempt to forget I exist… not that I’ll let that happen! Gotcha!

Hmmm, she thinks she’s going out with friends this evening…. “Not if I can help it!” I think with an evil smile. Time to turn it on! Now she’s taking medicine and trying to get rid of me. Ha! Gotcha!

She may smile at everyone and say “I’m fine, thank you,” but I know the truth. I make her miserable. Gotcha!

She’s had two very painful procedures, an exploratory surgery and more doctor’s visits than she can count and I’m still here. After four years, I know she’s beginning to think I’ll never go away. Yeah!!! Gotcha!

There is nothing better than that special moment when she’s at 9.9 on the scale and nothing is helping. This is where I shine like the star I am. I live for those times when she’s so scared and feels so hopeless… Double Gotcha!

Who am I?

I am Kathy’s chronic pain.

planned ob·so·les·cenceˌ
pland ˌäbsəˈlesəns/
noun
1. a policy of producing consumer goods that rapidly become obsolete and so require replacing, achieved by frequent changes in design, termination of the supply of spare parts, and the use of non-durable materials.
 Yup, it exists. And its a sneaky and greedy way to gouge the consumer. I’m so sick of being forced into upgrades for devices that are no longer working properly due to planned obsolescence.  Case in point. My phone, which I bought a year ago in June, is at its end of life cycle.It went from introduction to end of life cycle in 10 months – which is infuriating.
Now, its not working correctly and its out of warranty… Ugh!!  I’ve already tried resetting to factory specifications and that didn’t work. So… we’re off to the phone store.

DSC_0277Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Chronic Pain and became one of the millions of Americans who suffer with this.  It feels very discouraging to be told there is no cure for you, and no way to accurately determine where your pain is coming from other than a general area.  I’ve had so many tests and scans to try and figure it out, and now, with it going on for over 8 months, I’m classified as a Chronic Pain Sufferer.

My treatment is pain medication. They gave me a trial for Lyrica to see how I like it. But I can tell you already, on the first day of it, I don’t like it.  I’m foggy and sleepy. But I promised to give it a trial and I will.

Add this to my diagnosis for Migraine with Aura and overlapping Meniere’s Disease symptoms.  I could laugh at all this and say “Hey! Now I have a reason for being dizzy! I’m on Lyrica! or other pain medicine…”

I’m pretty down at the moment.  Its frustrating to go so many months with a condition trying to find a cure for it, only to find out I’ll have to live with it and just manage the pain. That’s just like having to learn to live with being dizzy all the time, no cure, just finding a way to manage it.

I’m having one more big test next week to see if there is anything else it might be.

Then…. I”m done. No more tests. I will learn to live with this just as I have learned to live with vertigo. I will continue to work, walk, take photos, enjoy life with Michael, and more, because I’m more than this ‘statistic’, I am more than a ‘sufferer’.  And… I’m just enough of a bitch to not let it stop me.

Thanks, Kathy  (Oh… and its snowing again……  ;-))

I’ve come to the conclusion I have insensitive children. AND since they are convinced by their grandmother and father that I abandoned them, I can honestly say that they are cruel, insensitive, narrow minded and just plain hurtful – and its not my fault!

How I wish that made me feel better!

My daughter and her husband came out to Virginia the beginning of the is month, for family business. But they didn’t tell me of course since my daughter doesn’t speak to me anymore. I know what the family business is, and since my son refuses to acknowledge me, I wasn’t about to interject myself into his life – even as a support for him. I’m not a glutton for punishment. (Well maybe I am since I can’t stop loving my children even though they hate me.)

 

My son-in-law once told me that if ‘anything had happened’, they would let me know. Well lets see…. that was after I begged someone to tell me if I had a third grandchild or not, and if my daughter made it through the delivery – I had heard not a single word, despite repeated pleas.

  • Now, my daughter and son-in-law have moved and I have no new address. That’s an important ‘something that happened’ don’t you think?
  • They were close to my area (relatively speaking since they live in California) and didn’t let me know. I would have thought that would be a great ‘something that happened’ but I guess they didn’t want to have to hurt me by saying I couldn’t visit with them while they were out here…. Oh wait, they really don’t care about hurting me.
  • My daughter is pregnant with my fourth grandchild. That’s somewhat important, and a ‘something that happened’ but… they couldn’t be bothered to let me know, I had to read it on her blog.

I have to think that they are a product of their raising. Since I wasn’t allowed to be a large part of their lives, or given the respect I deserved for being their mother, they weren’t taught some very important life lessons: the most important is respect. The second, don’t be cruel and hurtful. Another lesson: how to think for themselves. What about: how to not judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. And so much more I could fill a book.

 

All they know is narrow minded thinking. Learned at the knee of their narrow minded and vicious grandmother and follower father.

 

Good job folks – I hope you’re proud of the kind of people you influenced my children to be. Especially with my son – you did SUCH a great job on him didn’t you?

 

Don’t mind me, I’m only ranting so I’m not screaming because it hurts so much…

Thank goodness, no government shutdown! I think it’s appalling that it came to this in the first place.

But, our troops will be paid, our parks will be open and so on. And, Michael won’t have driven all the way to to PA/MD for his new job, only to be furloughed.

I hope this doesn’t come down to the wire again…

Wishful thinking?