Finished…

I am finished… with what?  I’m finished feeling guilty, I’m finished trying to please – except for Michael – and I’m finished trying to conform to whatever anyone else thinks I should be.

Everyone says I should back off trying to establish a relationship with my kids.  My kids don’t want me for their mom.  My son-in-law just told me via nastygram that if anything serious should happen I would be told.  They left me hanging for a week before I found out that I had a new grandson. I guess knowing I have a new grandson isn’t serious.

Here’s the facts:

  • My children hate me.
  • People all over the world think I’m pretty ok, but my children hate me so what’s up with that?
  • I never spoke against their father or his mother until my children came of age.
  • I have letters and conversations (witnessed) from my children (Mostly my daughter) stating how horribly I was denigrated while they were growing up, vilified, made into a monster.
  • My son hasn’t spoken to me except in anger in over 13 years.
  • My daughter disowned me 4 months ago as punishment for perceived harassment. (I was attempting to reach out to my son using all means necessary)
  • My son has threatened me with harm, harm both to my person, and through the internet.

So, now I’m finished.  I will not reach out to my children.  Not for anything. I’m tired of being in pain because they are not mature enough to handle the truth.  I’m tired of the rejection.  I know they were brainwashed, I know they feel I abandoned them.  How can I defend myself if I’m not allowed to speak?

I’m tired of trying to have some semblance of a relationship with my daughter only to be held at arms length. I’m tired of her judgment of me, and telling people I had ‘a lot of growing up to do’ when asked about my not being part of her life.  She has no idea of the truth, and isn’t willing or able to open up her mind and hear the truth.

There is only so much pain one person can take.  I’m not giving up.  I’m not giving in.  Its just over, done… finished.

I’m a mother of two who don’t want me as their mother.  So be it.

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