Just thinking…

Today is an off day for me.  Probably being sick isn’t helping.  I’ve been coddling Michael through a cold/bug that hit him over the weekend, and of course… I have it now.  And he’s not up to coddling me yet LOL Bummer…  I’m sad though too, I miss my kids.  Especially my daughter since we’ve had a semblance of a relationship for a few years until she cut me loose.

Why is it, that everyone around me – and their kids – all know me, like or love me anyway, and accept me as I am?  I’m not a monster….  Not ‘obviously’ mentally deranged (snicker!), and don’t go running down the street naked with marshmallows as weapons (thankfully – I’ve spared the world that sight LOL).  Why then do my children continue to believe the absolute worst about me, with no foundation other than what they believe they know?  I know they have abandonment issues – which is completely understandable since I didn’t have many opportunities to be part of their lives.

Now, I’m getting emails from people I don’t even know, that are grateful to me for sharing my pain and putting information up so they can go to it for help, understanding, enlightenment…  complete strangers reaching out to me to say thank you.  This is the reason I shared my pain/story in the first place. That if I couldn’t be with my children (only my son was estranged at the time I shared my story) maybe I might be able to help one person through their own journey to healing.  Just one.

What I get from my children, are anonymous emails to remove their pictures from my blog – Sorry Don, no disrespect intended, but I love those pictures and they are staying up! – and well meaning, instructional, emails that strive to educate me as to how it REALLY is.  Sorry Nichole, I respect your opinion, I just don’t happen to agree with it. (You know what I mean by that.)

My challenge to my children – who are adults now – search your heart. Try to weed out what you think you know, balance it with my continuing attempts to be a part of your lives, and ask yourself… if she didn’t care, why is she still trying to reach out to me?

Because I love you. I always will.

And to the Adult child of PAS who found my blog, then friended me on FaceBook, I’m so glad I could help you!

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